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Love in a F*cked Up World: How to Build Relationships, Hook Up, and Raise Hell Together

Love in a F*cked Up World: How to Build Relationships, Hook Up, and Raise Hell - Main image
$17.43 $24.9 In stock

In this inspiring self-help handbook, a trans activist dares us to be the change we want to see—both out in the world, and amongst our closest connections.

Lifelong activist and educator Dean Spade dares us to decide that our interpersonal actions are not separate from our politics of liberation and resistance. Many activist projects and resistance groups fall apart because people treat each other poorly, trying desperately to live out the cultural myths about dating and relationships that we are fed from an early age. 

How do we divest from the idea that one romantic partner will be the solution to all our problems? How do we bring our best thinking about freedom and justice into step with our desires for healing and connection?  

Love in a F*cked-Up World is a resounding call to action and a practical manifesto for how to combat cultural scripts and take our relationships into our own hands, preparing us for the work of changing the world. 

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Customer Reviews (4.8 / 5 · 4 reviews)

Lily W. ★★★★★

Finally, a relationship book that doesn't pretend the world is fair—Spade’s concrete advice on navigating conflict while staying politically engaged feels genuinely useful, not just theoretical. I’ve already started applying the "raise hell together" mindset with my partner.

Penelope ★★★★★

Spade’s framing of relationships as a practice ground for collective liberation really landed for me — the chapters on hookups and accountability actually made me rethink how I show up with my partners. It’s dense but never preachy, and I’ve already dog-eared half the book.

Leo ★★★★★

Finally, a relationship book that doesn't ignore the messiness of activism and queer life. I really appreciated how Dean Spade frames connection as part of building a better world, not just personal fulfillment.